扪心问诊第二季

30

You know, it's not dogma. It's a basic tenet of our profession. If you take action in your patients' lives, you cause them to become dependent on you. You cripple them.

You don't just listen. You make observations. You ask questions. You make interpretations. You encourage people to look at the patterns of their behavior.

They want to be loved, even by me. They want a child, or they want to be my child. They want a parent who loves them. They want attention, they want affection. They want hope, they want pills, and they want sex.

But if she were capable of receiving love and support, she wouldn't be coming to you for them. That's her real problem. And until it's treated, she won't be able to take anyone's advice. And that's why she needs therapy.

-You'd always rather yell than think. -What don't I want to think about?

-Then why am I failing them? -It's not about you, Paul. You know, they're human beings. They're struggling with profound problems. If only you could find courage to sit with the fact that what we do is hard and sometimes, it makes you feel like an idiot. It's a humbling profession. And if you lack anything as a therapist, it's humility. Somehow you have to learn to tolerate the fact that we don't save people. We can't.

-I don't want to see my patients. -See your patients, Paul. Act as if you believe you're helping.

31

You haven't lost your father. He's still in your life, but you did lose the father that you thought you had. He didn't refute your mother's version of events. "Mia, born to a depressed mother, idealizes her father so as not to feel completely alone. And this week, after finally confronting him, she can see her dad for who he really is." It is shattering, but if you can now move beyond that connection to your father it may open the possibility of finding love elsewhere.

I just felt like the bed was safe and the living room was scary.

You want what I can't give you. Blaming me for not giving you what you need when you needed it.

- I felt like I had nothing before. Now I have less than nothing. Thank you. You've helped me to realize that I've made poor choice after poor choice my whole life. - But you also have to realize, Mia, that you're at a critical juncture in you life, that now you do have the self-knowledge to make different, better choices. And sometimes when you're on the verge of real change, that's when you fight the hardest.

-Do you really think that getting married is going to make it all better? Do you have any idea of how many married people, how many parents feel as empty as you do? And what about that made you feel good? Have you ever considered that maybe it's not about a child, Mia, or a husband? Maybe that's just a picture in your head from your family, from your friends, from the culture. Not everyone needs that to live a full and contented life. Maybe what you really want, Mia, is to feel connected, authentically connected to somebody or something else. - And we bothe know that I can't have that. -It's been your way of communicating to both of us what you need. You've also been honest, caring. You've made yourself vulnerable. You've shown me who you really are. And you haven't walked away.

32

She used to say, "A mother is only as happy as her least happy child."

It's difficult to be the one who survives.

- Did I make it all up? - No. You just got rerouted. Your life's path has changed without your consent. It must be so hard to handle.

But sometimes, we just have to act as if we do.

I mean, you've learned so much about yourself, about trust and acceptance, about not needing to be perfect all the time. I mean, I know it's hard to see that now, but the great thing about self-knowledge is that once you have it... you have it. And you can't help but put it into use. You still have challenges ahead of you, that's why I think you really need to keep talking to somebody.

33

What he really needs now is a home where he can feel safe. You need to build that for him.

- The truth is, there's a good chance things are gonna get worse for Oliver and for you. For a long time, he is going to be very angry at you. And you're gonna have to keep loving him, no matter what. You're gonna have to let him have his anger. And you're gonna have to take it, just let him be who he is. - So just take it? - And keep showing up.

You know, once when I was about your age, I saw my dad cry. He was having a big fight with my mom. They were yelling at each other. I just wanted them to stop. I guess I wanted them to be... to be just happy. And it made me so pissed when I found out that they weren't. Well, I stayed pissed at them for a long time. And then I realized that even though my mom and dad got upset, and they made big mistakes sometimes, they still loved me.

If you're not getting something that you need, tell them. If you don't understand why something is happening, say 'Can you please explain this to me?' And if things get really upsetting and confusing, call me. That way we can work together to try and solve the problem.

34

It can be hard to live your life, to be genuinely fulfilled, when a part of your true self is locked away.

35

- I acted as if I believed I really was help. - And did that help? - To be honest, I was kind of skeptical at first. I felt a bit like a hypocrite, and they'd see that. - Of course you'd feel that way. - But then weirdly enough, something started to happen. I was talking to Oliver's dad about the responsibility of what it means to be a father and keeping in touch with your kid. Really, I was talking for both of us. But I think I reached him. I mean, I was still doubting myself, but I just kept at it, you know? I just couldn't believe that something so simple could actually work. And it kept working, you know? - You're a good therapist. And I'm sure you did a lot of good work this week, despite how uncertain you felt.

They both think that the world is supposed to be on their shoulders, and they're both incapable of receiving support.

- Practicing this way, I may never know whether I help people or not. It's not like I'm trying to get them to pass their driving test or do better on their SATs or something. The only measure I have of whether I'm helping somebody or not is how my patients feel about it and how their lives go on from there. And they won't know that until long after we've stopped therapy. - What are you saying? - I guess what I'm trying to say is that these people come to me, they want me to fix their problems, and the truth is , I think all I can do is just walk with them for a while, keep them company during a rough patch. I don't think anybody's life can be figured out, but it is in our nature to keep trying to make sense of it. And sometimes we can use help. That's when, if we're lucky, there's somebody in the room who can listen. It doesn't have to be somebody perfect, somebody sufficiently screwed up to actually get what we might be going through. - Someone like you. - On occasion. - And not someone like me. - No, Gina. Not for me. Not anymore.

The one thing I have figured out... I just need to be with more people. I don't need a break from being a therapist. I need a break from... just from this. You know? I need to stop analyzing my life. I need to start living it. I need you to let me go.

- What's the book about? - It's about redemption, I suppose.

I never would have survived without you.

mia和paul约了早上7点的诊疗，可是paul迟到了12分钟。mia很生气，说自己付钱的男人也会放自己鸽子。mia又问到laura,她看了本来她不应该看的信件。她对laura充满了嫉妒和敌意，最后她把信件丢在了地上。paul问她是否要自己捡起来。mia说他一定很生气，一定想要她快点走。她从地上捡起信件放到桌上准备离开。这个时候，paul说了一段话，让整个过程神反转。他说mia这样刺激他是因为比起直面痛苦这样来得好些，她把愤怒发泄到paul身上。mia被戳中了，起身说起了充气娃娃。说了她想象中paul对laura做的事情。一段充满了张力的对话，paul让她继续，她似乎进入了一种催眠模式。后来走的时候，paul打开门把手的时候，她又问和laura做了没。paul说这是门把手效应。他说没有。

整个过程我好奇的是他身上的按钮为何没有被触发，在不断被攻击的时候，还可以看清后面的事实。如果是我，早就被带节奏绕进去了。

几个故事中，Walter的故事最先打动我。

大公司的CEO Walter晚上失眠，来看心理医生。

谈话中Paul知道Walter的女儿在卢旺达做志愿者，对小女儿的担忧也许是失眠的导火索。担忧一被表达出来，引发了Walter的 Panic attack。

第二次来访，Paul对Panic Attack进行追问，回忆起来上次发生的时候是楼下保安换人的时候，老的门卫去世来了一个新人，Walter在电梯里发作。Walter每天和老门卫说Hi，关系并不亲近。

然后追忆起第一次Panic attack 是六岁时候，躺在哥哥的房间里。哥哥十六岁了，秋天就要去耶鲁上大学，最优秀的学生，跳级。几天前游泳时溺亡。父亲把Walter从邻居家接回，说这是你的房间了。那天晚上是第一次发作。

从此以后Walter不再是个孩子，他要照顾父母感受，不能哭，要优秀，母亲喝醉了，要记得查看厨房是否忘记关火。

那个6岁之前的小孩一生之中把所有人都放在自己肩上，直到68岁，不再是CEO了，不知道该怎么面对所有人，不知道该怎么照顾自己，让自己内心的小孩从六岁开始慢慢长大。

很出色，竟然这么出色。

每个人都很触动我，而且无论年龄性别职业，人类共通的东西都摆在那里 让你去共情和拥抱。看起来是卷入自己去成全别人的职业，其实也是如同世间一切的职业一样彼此互利共生，或者互爱共生。

我只是没有想到Paul还爱过Gina哈哈哈哈哈，虽然更多的是崇敬叭。下一季会出现什么呢，Wendy？义诊？Walt？小女孩小男孩还会出现吗？既然Paul觉得自己应该与更多的人接触，很期待下一季的人类了。

先马，等过了毕业这会再一集一集的写分析。

因为目前我只看完这个案例所以只能写下对这个患了淋巴癌的女孩的感受，我一天之内起码把她的集数看了三遍，因为我觉得这个女孩和我简直惊人的相似，完美主义，非黑即白，坚强的外表脆弱的内心，过度地为他人着想，太过善解人意。她身上所有的特质我全部都有，我也有一个非常焦虑的母亲，总是把她的压力和烦恼愤怒一股脑的全部丢给我，而且周围的人经常和我说，你要懂事一点，坚强一点，所以我独立的可怕，讨厌别人的帮助，觉得别人帮我要么就是跟别人添麻烦，会惹人厌倦，要么就是被别人看不起，自己处于弱者的地位。

要知道缺乏安全感的人，一般都是要掌控全局的人，如果她们没有办法掌控的话，焦虑就会从头到脚的包围他们，让他们没有办法正常的生活，就像剧中女主会因为生活的失控会倒在浴室里一样。这个案例里所有的心理问题都源于一个词，恐惧。

我不完美，就没有人爱我

我寻求帮助，别人会厌弃我

我不坚强，我妈妈会讨厌我

我不为别人着想，我自己都容忍不了自己，我必须为别人着想。

而Paul 是怎么说的，你不用什么都自己扛，觉得全部都是自己的责任，这个世界总是存在其他选择的，你不可能同时照顾好所有人所有事，你不可能完美无缺的。

别人是不会因为帮助你会觉得你烦，想厌弃你，再也不想见你，这是一种非常极端的思维，不要总是把自己逼到绝境里。

这部剧集有非常多的精华台词，如果以后还记得截图也一起发出来。

一些重要的句子记录

April

23岁的建筑系女大学生（谜之世另我……），得了癌症之后却不愿意求助他人，因为害怕被人拒绝、被人讨厌。这源于她母亲对孤独症弟弟的过度关注和对她的忽略，使她不得不把独立当做自己的盾牌。paul越界带她去做化疗，打电话给她母亲，几番争吵后终于换取她的信任。